


An Unexpected Party

by flibbertygigget



Series: An Unexpected Universe [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Asshole Characters Being Assholes, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 16:55:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14406414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flibbertygigget/pseuds/flibbertygigget
Summary: Severus Snape opened his front door at 5:00 in the morning to find six suitcases, three backpacks, two five-year-olds, and Petunia Dursley.





	An Unexpected Party

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Français available: [Un groupe inattendu](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17134931) by [Matteic_FR (Matteic)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Matteic/pseuds/Matteic_FR)



He opened his front door at 5:00 in the morning to find six suitcases, three backpacks, two five-year-olds, and Petunia Dursley. Severus blinked blearily, wondering what the hell was going on and why he deserved to have one and a half ghosts of his past visit him.

"What?" he said.

"Look, I didn't have anywhere else to go," Petunia said. "And the boy-"

"It's too fucking early for this." He shut the door in their faces and went to make himself a cup of tea.

"SEVERUS SNAPE COME OUT HERE RIGHT NOW!" He poked the kettle to boil and poured it over the tea bag as Petunia banged on the door. He gave it five minutes before she gave up, and the tea would be done before that.

"I KNEW YOU WERE CRUEL, BUT THEY'RE CHILDREN! HE'S HER SON!" Severus threw out the tea bag and opened the door again, dodging the fist that swung at him before Petunia realized that he was in the doorway.

"Why are you here, Petunia?" he said.

"Well, I could hardly stay where I was."

"It's five in the morning!"

"Vernon was going to make Harry sleep in a cupboard." Severus's grip tightened around the handle of his mug. He raised an eyebrow.

"And how exactly is your terrible taste in men my problem?" he said.

"Oh, just let us inside, Snape. Neither of these boys could sleep on the train, and they didn't eat dinner last night."

"And that's somehow _my_ problem?" Severus muttered, running a hand over his face. Still, he stepped aside, letting Petunia and the kids through the doorway, struggling with their things.

"Where should I-" Severus grunted, and with a flick of his wand made the suitcases fly upstairs. From the crash, the second bedroom's door had been broken to bits, but he honestly didn't care. He could fix it later. Petunia glared at him. "Are you even supposed to be using that - that _t_ _hing_ around normal people?"

"I'm 25, not 15," Severus said, "and there aren't any Muggles registered at this location. Besides, you should still be on the list." He turned around to find that the kids were staring at him with wide eyes.

"Whoa," said the fat one. "That was _wicked_."

"How'd you do that?" said the other one, who just had to be Potter's brat. He had the stupid looking hair.

"Magic," Severus said tersely. Petunia glared at him again. "Oh, come on, you knew what you were getting into when you came here."

"Still, there's no need to flaunt it," Petunia sniffed. "Especially not in front of my Dudley." Severus shrugged.

"It's my life," he said. "Besides, the Potter boy's a wizard. You might as well get the both of them used to the idea early."

"I'm a WHAT?" Potter said. Severus winced at the volume.

"Wizard. Magic. It exists." He went into the kitchen, wondering what the hell he had there that could be breakfast for more than one person. "Eggs alright?"

"Eggs will be fine," Petunia said decisively, ignoring a whine from the fat boy - Dudley, his name must be. "But, really, do you think you ought to be blathering about your sort? Those people were the reason why-"

"You know as well as I do that _that_ is not an issue anymore," Severus said. He turned on the gas and lit it with a silent _Incendio_ , Summoning the eggs and frying pan. "Don't poke around. I usually use this as a potions lab. Don't want either of you eating something poisonous and dying on us."

"You have poisons around here?" Petunia said.

"Not a lot. I'm more concerned about certain ingredients." He turned to see Dudley sitting in the only chair, awkwardly flanked by the Potter boy and Petunia. "Oh, for- Here." He Conjured up three more chairs. They were rickety and would no doubt disappear in a few hours, but they would do.

"You can make potions?" Dudley said.

"Of course I can. I even completed a bloody apprenticeship - in two years, mind you. I can say without bragging that there are very few Potions Masters who are considered my equal, at least in Britain."

"Oh, no, no bragging _there_ at all," Petunia said snippily. Severus summoned plates from the cupboard and began dishing out the eggs, setting them down forcefully in front of the idiots who had decided to grace his doorstep at five in the morning.

"Mummy, why's there so little?" Dudley whined.

"Because I didn't expect a fucking party," Severus said. Dudley glared at him, and Severus glared right back. Spoiled brat. At his age, Severus would have been happy with what he was lucky enough to get.

"I want juice," Dudley said.

"Too bad. There's water or tea." The boy looked personally offended. The Potter boy, on the other hand, put his hand in the air like an over-eager first year. "Yes?" Severus said.

"I'd like water. Um, sir. Please." Severus grunted and filled a glass. At Petunia's alarmed look, he poured out half the water before giving it to Potter. "Thank you, sir."

"Humph," said Severus, collapsing in the last remaining chair and draining his tea. "At least one of your brats has decent manners, Petunia."

"You wouldn't know anything about good manners, Snape." He snorted into his empty mug.

"True." He ate a bite of his eggs. Petunia, on the other hand, had abandoned tending to Dudley to look at him strangely.

"You've changed a bit," she offered. "Though I don't know why you'd stay here, of all places, if you really are a - a Potions Master."

"You certainly got out the moment you could," he said. She bit her bottom lip. "Oh, don't - Look, I teach the biggest bunch of dunderheads this side of the Atlantic, I'm not exactly rolling in Galleons."

"Gal'ons? Like the ships?" Potter said.

"No. Money. Gold, bit larger than your pound coins. Wizard money."

"Wizards have money?"

"Well, I certainly don't barter away my soul every time I need a new cauldron."

"You're a teacher?" Petunia said, surprised.

"A _professor_ ," Severus said. "I work at Hogwarts now."

"I had thought - Well, Lily told me some things about you. She said that you were hanging around with the wrong sort, had joined some kind of gang."

"And yet you still brought your children around me."

"You couldn't have been, though, not if you're teaching."

"Dumbledore trusts me."

"How reassuring."

"For most people, that's enough." Severus stood and threw his plate in the sink. "There's a bedroom upstairs, second door to the right. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be going back to sleep until noon."


End file.
